------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Disc 2 오스틴 파워 제로 (97, Austin Powers : International Man of Mystery) WAF릴-2CD ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Austin.Powers.International.Man.of.Mystery.1997.DVDrip.XviD.AC3.5.1CH.CD1-WAF.avi/700MB (734,371,840 바이트) Austin.Powers.International.Man.of.Mystery.1997.DVDrip.XviD.AC3.5.1CH.CD2-WAF.avi/700MB (734,343,168 바이트) * ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ sub2smi by z00 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

알라타 빠자나의 아파트

 

그래, 좋았어
바로 이거야

 

인간장기 매매

 

영화 빨강 머리

 

발칸 사업...

 

굉장한데?

 

좋아, 좋아...

 

놀랬소?
빠자나 양?

 

웬일이죠?
미스터... 커닝햄 씨든가?

 

당신 상관인 넘버 투

 

그가 지하 사업에
연루돼 있다던데?

 

그걸 어떻게?

 

넘겨짚었소

 

걸려들었지?

 

광산 사업이에요

 

사업 얘긴 차차하고
옷 좀 갈아입을게요

 

오, 깍쟁이!

 

엄마야

 

들어와요

 

궁금한 거
다 보여줄게

 

씻겨 드릴까?

 

그거 좋지

 

죽이는군

 

오스틴 파워
엽기적인 수수께끼맨

 

일본에선 뭐든지
남성상위래요

 

난 반대도 좋아

 

정종 한 잔 할래요?

 

두 잔도 좋아!

 

건배

 

원샷!

 

어때요?
커닝햄 씨

 

몸이 쫙 풀어지누만

 

숙녀 앞에서 웬 실례?

 

미안, 좀 독했나?

 

내가 먹은 음식이

 

수줍은 가스 되어

 

방울로 사라졌네

 

멋지네요, 고마워요

 

우선 안아줘요

 

귀여운 털복숭이 아저씨

 

이게 웬 떡이셔?

 

엄마야! 내 뿅점을
마구 건드리네!

 

놈이 냄새를 맡았어

 

묘안 없소?

 

있습니다, 놈을 무력화시킬
천적을 만들었죠

 

쭉빵 로봇!
등장!!

 

앞으로 갓!

 

인간 복제술의
최첨단 작품이죠

 

어떤 남자도

 

이들 앞에선 맥을 못 춰요

 

보초 입장!!

 

얘들을 없애라!

 

훌륭해

 

감사합니다

 

특히나 볼륨이 죽이는군

 

볼륨이란 말은

 

총 크기를 말하는 거요

 

총이 크다
이런 뜻이지

 

농담이야

 

영국 임시 사령부

 

쉬어요!

 

보여줄게 있어요

 

얼핏 보기엔
시계 같지만

 

위치 자동 탐지기에요

 

근사하군

 

- 그리고 이건
- 맞춰볼게

 

치실은 고탄성 로프

 

치약은 폭탄

 

칫솔은 뇌관이지

 

아녜요

 

지난 30년간

 

치의학도 엄청 발전했죠

 

무슨 소리야?

 

아녜요

 

베질이네요

 

- 오셨어요?
- 오스틴, 빨리 얘기하지

 

이블 박사가

 

유엔에 이송될
핵을 훔쳤어

 

내가 두 번째 싫은게
핵전쟁인데...

 

첫 번째는?

 

뭐라구요?

 

첫 번째로 싫은 건?

 

어릿광대죠

 

서커스 광대 말에요

 

징그럽잖아요

 

손도 작고

 

그래?

 

발칸 사업 알아냈습니다

 

사진을 찍어왔죠

 

지하 미사일이군!

 

이걸 어디서?

 

오스틴이 어제 알라타
집에 갔었어

 

다음 장소는
버츄콘이야

 

묘안 있나?

 

관광객으로 위장해서

 

견학 온 척 잠입 후
내부를 살필게요

 

좋은 생각이야

 

참, 오스틴
인사해

 

내 모친 엑스포 여사

 

반갑수

 

무슨 짓이야?

 

모친이 아녜요
남자라구요

 

이 놈의 가발
왜 안 벗겨져?

 

잠깐만요

 

우리 어머니야!

 

어머니, 괜찮아요?

 

돌았어요?

 

대체 어찌 된 거야?

 

미안해요
남잔 줄 알고...

 

울 엄마가 어때서?

 

남자 같잖아요

 

저렇게

 

곰탱이처럼 생긴
여자가 어딨어요?

 

못말려

 

주저말고 자기 감정을
표현해 봐요

 

어서!

 

사랑해요, 아빠!

 

사랑한다, 아들아!

 

오늘 새 식구가
들어 왔어요

 

스캇과 그의 부친이신
에이블 씨?

 

이블이오

 

이블 박사!

 

안녕하세요, 이블 씨
안녕, 스캇

 

안녕하세요

 

스캇, 말해봐요

 

오늘 여기 왜 왔죠?

 

5일 전 아빨
처음 봤어요

 

난 냉동돼 있었소

 

문제점을 인정하는군요!

 

날더러 가업을 이으래요

 

그럼 누가 세상을 맡아?

 

맞아요!

 

후세를 염려하는 마음

 

저게 부모 마음이죠

 

스캇은 꿈이 뭐죠?

 

전 동물이 좋으니까...

 

수의사?

 

수의사 '이블'?

 

동물원 수의사요

 

이블 동물원?

 

또 시작이다!

 

아빠는 날

 

죽이고 싶어해요

 

그런 아빠가 어딨어?

 

다들 말은 그래도
진심은 아냐

 

애가 시건방져서
없애려 했는데

 

아직 성공 못 했소

 

거 봐요

 

좋아요, 스캇 말을
들었으니...

 

부친도 한 말씀...

 

내 인생은 아주 평범해요

 

어린 시절 얘기를 해봐요

 

네, 어서요!

 

어디부터 얘기할까?

 

벨기에인인 아버진
빵집을 했소

 

심한 변태에
간질 환자였소

 

엄마는 15세의

 

프랑스 매춘부였지

 

아버진 늘 술 퍼먹고

 

바람피우고
헛소리만 했소

 

자기가 콘돔을 발명했다나?

 

그런 환경에서

 

난 광기에 찬
천재로 컸지

 

모든 게 평범했소

 

여름엔 강에서
썰매 타고

 

봄이면 트리 만들고

 

말썽 피면 아빠가
말채찍으로 때렸지

 

평범했어

 

12살 때 가출하고

 

14살 땐 집시 여자가

 

거시기 털을 밀어줬지

 

엄청 시원합디다
당신들도 해봐요

 

여기서 그만 하죠

 

- 얘기 좀 해요
- 좋아

 

뭐한 얘기지만

 

그 이태리 여자
빠자나 양과

 

당신의 관계

 

의심스러워요

 

난 질투가 많아요

 

남자를 잘 못 믿죠

 

- 미안해요

 

의심할 만 해

 

- 같이 잤어
- 네?

 

그 여자랑 잤다구

 

말도 안 돼!
그 푼수랑?

 

할퀼 것 같네?

 

- 그거 가져갔죠?
- 응, 9밀리 소총

 

피임기구 썼냐구요

 

내가 뱃사람이야?

 

요즘은 다 써요

 

선원이나 쓰는 거야

 

신경쓸 거 없어

 

- 별 관게 아냐
- 신경 쓰여요

 

나랑 사귀려면
행실 바로해요

 

그런 난봉꾼 짓

 

난 절대 용납 못 해요

 

난 당신 뿐이야

 

안 통하는군

 

잘 자요

 

2000년대엔

 

그렇게 살지 마요

 

평화래!

 

지미 헨드릭스

 

마약 복용으로 사망

 

재니스 조플린

 

알콜 사망

 

마마 카스

 

샌드위치 과식으로 사망

 

어때? 조명 괜찮나?

 

잘 보인다

 

- 깃발이 보여
- 아름답군

 

잘 잤어요?

 

30년 간 많은
일이 있었죠

 

독일 통일

 

영국 여자 수상 탄생

 

인종차별 종식

 

리버라스가 게이였다며?

 

여자들한테
인기 좋았는데!

 

모두 전동차에 타세요

 

미래의 기업 버츄콘은

 

생활에 필요한
모든 걸 만듭니다

 

나보다 예뻐요?

 

- 누구?
- 알면서!

 

빠자나?
걘 순 호박이야

 

섹시하고 예쁜
자기가 최고지!

 

석유제품과
철강 등을 만들죠

 

신경쓸 거 없대두

 

걘 헤픈 애야
아무하고나 자는!

 

저긴 관계자만
출입할 수 있는

 

통제 구역이죠

 

좋았어!
한 명씩 맡자

 

가자

 

문제가 생겼어요

 

침입자 발생

 

조심해!

 

격파!

 

몰려와요!

 

밟을테니 꽉 잡아!

 

비켜! 비켜!

 

조심해요!

 

- 비켜요!
- 비켜!

 

- 이제 살았네
- 침착하게 걸어

 

파워 씨, 여기가 내 기지야

 

때맞춰 왔군, 잘 봐둬

 

발칸을 공개하겠소

 

세상에서 제일
강력한 드릴!

 

흥분 안 돼?

 

주책이야!

 

이게 지표면을 뚫고

 

지구핵에 닿으면
5만 톤의 탄두가

 

폭발하면서 전 세계
화산이 터질 거요

 

방법이 없군
돈을 줍시다

 

잘들 생각해 보시오

 

쟨 젖가슴이 세 개야!

 

궁둥이는 몇 개지?

 

그 사이버 복장
맘에 드나?

 

내가 디자인했지

 

내 아들, 잘 지냈냐?

 

뭐 했어?

 

비디오 가게에서
점원과 싸웠어요

 

불어만 지껄이길래

 

혀를 확 뽑아버리려 했더니

 

왜, 떫냐? 하길래

 

맞장 뜰래? 했더니

 

쫄던데요?

 

잘했다

 

저녁엔 뭐 할거야?

 

집에서 포르노나 볼래요

 

앞으로 쭉
그렇게 살래?

 

잘났다 그래...

 

스캇, 소개하마
내 천적 오스틴 파워

 

웬 만찬?
당장 죽여요!

 

다 생각이 있어

 

도망칠 희망을 준 뒤

 

절망 속에 죽일 거야

 

그냥 쏴 죽여요

 

내가 쏠까요?
재밌잖아요, 빵!

 

한마디만 더 하면
외출 금지야

 

시작해

 

이블 박사, 원하는 게 돈인가?

 

천만에! 모두 죽이는 거!

 

돈을 챙긴 뒤
모든 도시를

 

마그마로 녹일 거야

 

상어를 풀어!

 

상어들 머리에

 

레어저빔을 달았어

 

먹이를 잘 찾도록!

 

실은 상어가

 

멸종 동물로 지정됐어요

 

정부 허가없인
포획 못 해요

 

내가 원한 건
아주 간단해

 

레이저빔을 단
상어를 푸는 것!

 

헌데 뭐야?
멸종돼서 못 잡아?

 

그러고도 월급받나?

 

어 밥벌레들!

 

잡은 건 뭐야?

 

농어요

 

돌연변이 농어에요

 

그래? 포악한가?

 

- 물론이죠
- 다행이군

 

저들을 천천히
물속에 빠뜨려

 

탱크 닫아!

 

안 봐요?
도망가면요?

 

냅둬, 둘이서
외롭게 죽게!

 

재밌잖아

 

5초만 주시면
총 갖고 와서

 

쏴 죽일게요,
빵! 머리통에!

 

애비 말 잊었냐?

 

잊었어?

 

하지만...

 

- 똑똑
- 누구세요?

 

이제 무조건 쉬!

 

네가 입 열면
무조건 쉬야!

 

뻥끗하면 쉬!
자동 쉬야!

 

어쩌죠?

 

나 지금 볼일이 급해

 

바지에 쌀 동안
연구 좀 해봐

 

잠깐만!

 

비상용 치실이에요

 

알았다,
이 청소하라구?

 

아뇨, 이걸로 건너가요

 

잠깐만...

 

좋아, 됐어
치약 줘봐

 

격파!

 

꽉 잡아!

 

엎어치기!

 

이젠 모자 못 쓰겠군

 

네

 

- 머리도 못 감겠네
- 그러겠죠

 

샴푸값 절약되겠군

 

이발도 안해도 되고!

 

그만 가요

 

어쩌죠?

 

나가서 구조 청해

 

난 이블을 감시할게

 

좋아요, 곧 올게요

 

무슨 일이 있어도
바네사, 이것만은 알아줘

 

그 이태리 여자
나 정말 싫어

 

만약 자기가

 

딴 여자 만나지 말라면

 

기꺼이 그럴게

 

깍쟁이

 

자, 이제

 

주조종실로 갑시다

 

사업을 시작해야지!

 

아빠 일 구경할래?

 

- 됐어요
- 뭐?

 

볼게요

 

발칸 정위치!

 

탄두를 가져와

 

- 안녕, 아가씨들
- 반가워요, 파워 씨

 

재미 좀 보실래요?

 

안돼요, 난 지구를
구해야 돼

 

갑자기 춥군

 

핵탄두 장착

 

안 돼! 난 '이블'을
잡아야 돼!

 

정신통일! 찬물 샤워!

 

- 정신 통일! 찬물 샤워!
- 항복하셔

 

저건 대처 수상이야
대처가 벗은 거야

 

여러분

 

- 출동합시다!
- 가자!

 

안 돼, 가지마!

 

넌 도망 못 가

 

우릴 못 벗어나

 

과연 그럴까?

 

너희야말로 각오해

 

- 오스틴?
- 바네사...

 

오해마

 

- 쉬어!
- 거기두요!

 

설명할게

 

이블을 찾고 있는데

 

로봇들이 나타나
유혹하길래

 

맞불 작전을 썼더니

 

내 춤에 흥분해 폭발했어

 

진짜야

 

좋아요, 믿죠

 

옷 입어요

 

알았어, 자기

 

갑시다!

 

핵탄두 로켓 발진!

 

지표면 침투 개시

 

3분 후 폭발
카운트다운 개시

 

저리로!

 

3분 후 폭발

 

넘어졌어!

 

빨리 문 열어!

 

지구핵 폭파 개시

 

격파! 격파!

 

중단

 

이블을 찾아야지!

 

밥 먹자!

 

우리 애가 잘 먹는

 

닭고기 사료에요

 

꼼짝마
이블 박사!

 

제법이군
파워!

 

너와 나는 닮았어

 

재미있지 않나?
너의 대명사인

 

자유연애, 사랑, 파티 따위가
요즘엔 외면당하잖아

 

나처럼!

 

나 같은 난봉꾼 보다
더 한심한 건

 

세계 정복과
돈에 눈먼 너야

 

난 좀 밝히는게
병이지만

 

영혼은 건강해
난 알거든!

 

자유의 가치를!

 

자유?

 

그건 실패했어

 

실패하지 않았어

 

지금은 자유와 책임이

 

공존하는 세상이야

 

아직 청춘인 줄
착각하는군

 

잔말말고

 

어서 나가,
이 대머리야!

 

누구 맘대로?

 

처지가 바뀌었군

 

난 놔두고 어서 가요!

 

비디오 봐도 돼요?

 

처지가 또 바뀌었군

 

걔, 죽든 말든
상관없어

 

전에 정신과에선...

 

그 의사도 죽였어
밥맛 없어서

 

이 나쁜 인간
왜 날 만들었어?

 

넌 이 얘비 맘 몰라

 

넘버 투! 마침 잘 왔네
파워를 없애

 

- 싫소
- 뭐?

 

이블 박사

 

난 지난 30년 간
이블 왕국을

 

세계적인 다국적
기업으로 키웠어

 

타임지 모델이
될 뻔했는데

 

당신이 다 망쳤어

 

이제 세계란 없어

 

- 기업의 시대야
- 닥쳐, 넘버 투

 

싫어! 이젠 당신
부하 노릇도 지겨워!

 

파워 씨! 내가 사업제안
하나 하겠소

 

안되겠군

 

격파!

 

곧 건물이 폭파됨

 

극저온 냉동 실시

 

빨리 나와!

 

곧 폭발한대

 

곧 건물이 폭파됨

 

오스틴, 이쪽으로!

 

곧 폭발해!
뛰어!

 

3개월 후

 

사랑해요, 파워 씨

 

사랑해요, 파워 부인

 

베질일거야

 

- 모른 척 해요
- 잠깐만 기다려!

 

안녕, 오스틴
신혼에 방해 안됐나?

 

아뇨

 

과일 바구니 받았어?

 

네, 너무 많아서
엄마께 보냈어요

 

- 여기도 있어
- 고마워요

 

선물도 받았지?

 

네

 

양념세트 고마워요

 

헌데 이 그림은
누가 보낸 거죠?

 

이블 박사가 사라졌네

 

레이더망에 안 잡혀

 

- 잠깐만요! 커피?
- 좋아요

 

바네사, 이번에
자네 공이 컸네

 

고마워요, 베질

 

- 우유?
- 넣어주세요

 

여왕이 자네에게
작위를 주신대

 

영광이군요!

 

둘 다 행운을 비네

 

- 고맙습니다
- 그럼, 이만

 

기억나?

 

우리 처음 만났을 때...

 

당신은 너무 예뻤어

 

아주 섹시하고...

 

난 그때 알았지

 

당신이 내 여자가 될 걸...

 

당신은 나 어땠어?

 

이빨만 보였어요

 

샴페인 시켰어
들어와요!

 

멋져요

 

저쪽에 놔요

 

발코니에서 별구경 해요

 

좋은 생각이야

 

되게 아프네

 

혹이 생겼잖아!

 

왜 구두짝을 던져?

 

네가 여자야?

 

이거 내꺼 아닌데!

 

그걸 써요

 

밤하늘이 아름답군

 

저거 북극성이죠?

 

응, 저건 자기 처녀성!

 

- 저 큰 별, 뭐죠?
- 어떤 별?

 

맙소사

 

두고 보자,
오스틴 파워!

 

추워도 좀 참아
비글워스

 

Great.

 

Cheeky, huh?

 

Come on, baby, give it to me.

 

You seem surprised to see me,
Miss Fagina.

 

What do you want...
Mr. Cunningham, was it?

 

Your boss, Number Two...

 

l understand that cat's involved
in big underground drills.

 

How did you know?

 

l didn't, baby.

 

You just told me.

 

We can talk
about business later.

 

Let me slip
into something more comfortable.

 

Oh, behave.

 

Good God.

 

Come in...

 

and l'll show you
everything you need to know.

 

May l wash you?

 

Groovy, baby.

 

That feels yummy.

 

ln Japan, men come first,
and women come second.

 

Or sometimes not at all.

 

Care for some 'sake'?

 

'Sake' it to me, baby.

 

Kinky.

 

Klinky.

 

How do you feel, Mr. Cunningham?

 

l feel extreme relaxation.

 

How dare you
break wind before me?

 

l'm sorry.
l didn't know it was your turn.

 

Pardon me for being rude.

 

lt was my food.

 

lt just popped up
to say hello...

 

and now it's gone
back down below.

 

That's beautiful.

 

Thank you.

 

Let's make love...

 

you silly hairy little man.

 

l say! Hello, vicar.

 

That's the spot, all right.

 

That's the spot right there.
Look at that, now.

 

Austin Powers
is getting too close.

 

Any suggestions?

 

l have created the ultimate
weapon to defeat Austin Powers.

 

Bring in the fembots!

 

Go, fembots!

 

These are the latest word
in android replicant technology.

 

Lethal, efficient, brutal.

 

No man can resist their charm.

 

Send in the guards!

 

Kill these women.

 

Quite impressive.

 

Thank you, herr doctor.

 

l like to see girls
of that...caliber.

 

By caliber, of course...

 

l mean both the size
of their gun barrels...

 

and the high quality
of their character.

 

lt's two meanings.
Caliber--it's a homonym.

 

Forget it.

 

At ease, boys.

 

l want to show you something.

 

We're going
to outfit you with this.

 

lt looks like a watch,
but, in fact...

 

it's a geosynchronous
positioning device.

 

Very shagadelic.

 

And then there's this.

 

Let me guess.

 

The floss is garrote wire...

 

the toothpaste
is plastic explosives...

 

and the toothbrush
is the detonation device.

 

No, actually.

 

Since you've been frozen, there
have been fabulous advances...

 

in the field of dentistry.

 

What do you mean?

 

Nothing.

 

Here's Basil.
/Hello, Exposition.

 

Let me bring you up to speed.

 

Dr. Evil has hijacked
a nuclear warhead...

 

from Kreplachistan.

 

Only two things scare me,
and one is nuclear war.

 

What's the other?

 

Excuse me?

 

What's the other thing
that scares you?

 

Carnies.

 

Circus folk.

 

Nomads, you know.

 

Smell like cabbage.

 

Small hands.

 

lndeed.

 

Perhaps these photographs are
the last piece of the puzzle.

 

l've uncovered the details
of Project Vulcan.

 

Oh, good God.
An underground missile?

 

Where did you find these?

 

Austin did some reconnaissance
work last night...

 

at Alotta Fagina's penthouse.

 

Our next move
is to infiltrate Virtucon.

 

Any ideas?

 

Virtucon runs a tour
of its facility every hour.

 

l thought we could disguise
ourselves as tourists...

 

and do some
on-site reconnaissance.

 

Top drawer, Kensington.

 

Austin,
l'd like you to meet somebody.

 

This is my mother--
Mrs. Exposition.

 

How do you do?

 

My God, man, what have you done?

 

That's not your mother.
lt's a man, baby!

 

Get off! Come on!

 

Why won't this wig come off?

 

Hold on one second.

 

Let go of my mother!

 

Are you all right?

 

Austin, have you gone mad?

 

You have
a lot of explaining to do.

 

l'm sorry.
l thought she was a man.

 

Damn it,
you're talking about my mother!

 

You have to admit,
she is rather mannish.

 

No offense,
but if that is a woman...

 

it does look like she was beaten
with an ugly stick.

 

Really, Austin.

 

Give in to the beauty of
your feelings and say the words.

 

Come on.

 

l love you, Dad.

 

l love you, too, son.

 

Group, we have some newcomers
here today with us.

 

Say hello to Scott
and his father Mr...Avil?

 

Evil, actually.

 

Dr. Evil.

 

Hello, Dr. Evil.
hello, Scott.

 

Hello, everybody.

 

Scott,
why don't we start with you?

 

What brings you here
with us today?

 

l just really met my dad
for the first time 5 days ago.

 

l was partially frozen
his whole life.

 

That is beautiful
that you can admit to that.

 

He comes back and wants me to
take over the family business.

 

But, Scott, who's going to
take over the world when l die?

 

Listen to the words he used--

 

Who's going to take over
the world when l die?

 

lt feels like that to some of us
sometimes, doesn't it?

 

What do you want to do, Scott?

 

l don't know.
l was thinking l like animals.

 

Maybe l'd be a vet.

 

An evil vet?

 

No.
Maybe work in a petting zoo.

 

An evil petting zoo?

 

You always do that!

 

l think he hates me.

 

l really think
he wants to kill me.

 

Scott, we don't want
to kill each other in here.

 

We might say
that we do sometimes...

 

but we really don't.

 

Actually,
the boy's quite astute.

 

l really am trying to kill him,
but, so far, unsuccessfully.

 

He's quite wily,
like his old man.

 

This is what l'm talking about.

 

We've heard from you, Scott.

 

Now you tell us something
about yourself.

 

The details of my life
are quite inconsequential.

 

Please.
Let's hear about your childhood.

 

Yeah.
/Come on.

 

Very well. Where do l begin?

 

My father was
a relentlessly self-improving...

 

boulangerie owner
from Belgium...

 

with low-grade narcolepsy
and a penchant for buggery.

 

My mother was a 15-year-old
French prostitute named Chloe...

 

with webbed feet.

 

My father would womanize, drink.

 

He would make
outrageous claims...

 

like he invented
the question mark.

 

Sometimes he would accuse
chestnuts of being lazy...

 

the sort of general malaise...

 

that only the genius possess
and the insane lament.

 

My childhood was typical--

 

summers in Rangoon,
luge lessons.

 

ln the spring,
we'd make meat helmets.

 

When l was insolent...

 

l was placed in a burlap bag
and beaten with reeds.

 

Pretty standard, really.

 

At the age of 12,
l received my first scribe.

 

At the age of 14,
a Zoroastrian named Vilma...

 

ritualistically
shaved my testicles.

 

There really is nothing
like a shorn scrotum.

 

lt's breathtaking.
l suggest you try it.

 

You know, we have to stop.

 

Austin,
can l have a word with you?

 

Of course you may, luv.

 

l know l'm being neurotic,
but l can't shake off...

 

this suspicious feeling
about that ltalian secretary.

 

You know, Miss Fagina.

 

l don't want
to sound paranoid...

 

but l've had some
bad relationships in the past...

 

and l have been known
to be jealous.

 

l'm sorry.

 

Don't be sorry, baby.

 

You're right to be suspicious.

 

l shagged her.

 

What?

 

l shagged her rotten, baby!

 

l don't believe you.
She was repellent.

 

Saucer of milk, table two.

 

But did you use protection?

 

Of course. l had
my nine-millimeter automatic.

 

l meant did you use a condom?

 

Only sailors use condoms, baby.

 

Not in the nineties.

 

Well, they should,
those filthy beggars.

 

They go from port to port.

 

Don't have a thrombo.

 

Alotta meant nothing to me.

 

lt means something to me.

 

lf you want us
to have a relationship...

 

get it into your head
that times have changed.

 

You can't just go off
shagging anybody anymore.

 

And if you could, l wouldn't,
because l'm not like that.

 

You're everything to me.

 

You just don't get it, do you?

 

Good night, Austin.

 

Welcome to the nineties.

 

You're going to be very lonely.

 

Check this guy out.

 

Peace.

 

Jimi Hendrix--deceased.

 

Drugs.

 

Janis Joplin.

 

Deceased, alcohol.

 

Mama Cass.

 

Deceased, ham sandwich.

 

That's great.
ls the lighting halfway decent?

 

Yes, indeed.
They got the flag up now.

 

You can see
the stars and stripes.

 

Beautiful. Just beautiful.

 

Good morning, Austin.

 

l sometimes forget...

 

you've missed out
on the last 30 years.

 

Fall of the Berlin Wall...

 

the first female
British Prime Minister...

 

end of apartheid.

 

Yeah, and l can't believe
Liberace was gay.

 

l mean, women loved him.

 

l didn't see that one coming.

 

The tour is about to begin...

 

so if you'll please
take your seats...

 

Welcome to Virtucon,
company of the future.

 

Virtucon is a leading
manufacturer of many items...

 

you can find
right in your very own home.

 

Do you think
she's prettier than me?

 

Who?

 

You know who.

 

Oh, the ltalian bird.

 

No, baby. She's rancid.

 

l think you're shagadelic, baby.

 

You're switched on.
You're smashing.

 

We make steel,
petroleum products...

 

and volatile chemicals.

 

But don't worry
about the ltalian bird.

 

She's the village bicycle.

 

Everyone's had a ride.

 

On your right,
you'll notice a door...

 

leading to a restricted area.

 

Only authorized
personnel are allowed...

 

l'll take him.

 

You take her.

 

Let's go.

 

lt's Bolton.
We've got a problem.

 

lntruders in the complex.

 

Watch out.

 

Halt.
/This way.

 

Judo chop!

 

They're coming!

 

Hang on. l'm going to floor it.

 

Watch out. Move!

 

Careful, Austin.

 

Watch out!

 

Come on, let's go.

 

Thank goodness we made it.

 

Stay very cool, baby.

 

Mr. Powers.
Welcome to my underground lair.

 

You're just in time.

 

Enjoy the show.

 

Gentlemen,
l give you the Vulcan...

 

the world's most powerful
subterranean drill.

 

Does that make you horny?

 

Not now, Austin.

 

So powerful, it can penetrate
the earth's crust...

 

delivering
a 50-kiloton nuclear warhead...

 

deep into the liquid
hot core of the planet.

 

Upon detonation, every volcano
on earth will erupt.

 

lt seems we have no choice
but to pay your ransom.

 

You have my instructions.
Bye-bye.

 

Check it out, butt-head.
This chick has three boobs.

 

How many butts does she have?

 

Do you like
your quasi-futuristic clothes?

 

l designed them myself.

 

Scott, my boy, how are you?

 

How was your day?

 

My friend Sweet Jay took me
to that video arcade in town.

 

They don't speak English,
so Jay got into a fight...

 

and he's all, Quit hassling me
'cause l don't speak French.'

 

And then the guy
says something in Paris talk...

 

and l'm like, ''Just back off.''

 

And they're all, ''Get out.''

 

And we're like, ''Make me.''

 

lt was cool.

 

Fascinating.

 

What are your plans
for this evening?

 

l thought l'd stay in.

 

There's a good titty movie
on Skinimax.

 

And that's how you'd like
to live your life?

 

Pretty much.

 

What?

 

Scott, l want you to meet
Daddy's nemesis Austin Powers.

 

Are you feeding him?
Why don't you just kill him?

 

l have an even better idea.

 

l'm going to place him in
an easily escapable situation...

 

involving an overly
elaborate and exotic death.

 

Why don't you
just shoot him now?

 

l'll go get a gun.
We'll shoot him together.

 

lt'll be fun. Bang!
Dead. Done.

 

One more peep out of you
and you are grounded, mister...

 

and l am not joking.

 

All right. Let's begin.

 

Dr. Evil,
you really expect them to pay?

 

No, Mr. Powers.
l expect them to die.

 

Even after they pay me
the money...

 

l'm still going to melt
every city on the planet...

 

with liquid hot magma.

 

Release the sharks!

 

You'll notice
that all the sharks...

 

have laser beams
attached to their heads.

 

l figure every creature
deserves a warm meal.

 

Dr. Evil, it's about the sharks.

 

When you were frozen...

 

they were put
on the endangered species list.

 

We tried to get some...

 

but it would've taken months
to clear up the red tape.

 

l have one simple request...

 

and that is to have sharks...

 

with frickin' laser beams
attached to their heads!

 

Evidently, my cycloptic
colleague informs me...

 

that that can't be done.

 

Can you remind me
what l pay you people for?

 

Honestly, throw me a bone here.

 

What do we have?

 

Sea bass.

 

They are mutated sea bass.

 

Really? Are they ill-tempered?

 

Absolutely.

 

That's a start.

 

All right, guard...

 

begin the unnecessarily
slow-moving dipping mechanism.

 

Close the tank!

 

Aren't you even
going to watch them?

 

They could get away.

 

l'm going to leave them alone...

 

and not actually witness
them dying.

 

l'm just going to assume
it all went to plan.

 

l have a gun in my room.

 

You give me five seconds,
l'll get it.

 

l'll come back, boom!
l'll blow their brains out.

 

You just don't get it, do you?

 

You don't.

 

lt's no hassle.

 

Knock knock.
/Who's there?

 

Let me tell you a little story
about a man named ''shh!''

 

Even before you start,
that was a preemptive ''shh!''

 

Just know l have a whole bag
of ''shh'' with your name on it.

 

What's your plan?

 

First, l plan to soil myself...

 

then l'm going to regroup
and come up with a new plan.

 

Any thoughts?

 

Wait a minute.

 

l always have this with me,
just in case.

 

l get it. l have bad teeth.

 

No, Austin. The floss is to
swing ourselves onto the ledge.

 

All right. Hold on.

 

Got it. OK. Toothpaste.

 

Judo chop!

 

Hang on!

 

Judo trip.

 

Not a good time
to lose one's head.

 

lndeed.

 

That's not the way
to get ahead in life.

 

lt's a shame
he wasn't more headstrong.

 

He'll never be
the head of a major corporation.

 

That'll do.

 

What are we going to do?

 

There's an emergency exit.
Go get help.

 

l'm going to stay here
and keep an eye on Dr. Evil.

 

l'll hurry back.

 

Whatever happens,
l want you to know...

 

that l feel really bad
about that ltalian bird.

 

What l'm trying to say is...

 

that if you want me
to be a one-woman man...

 

that's just groovy, baby.

 

Behave.

 

Come, everyone.

 

Let us repair
to the main chamber.

 

Project Vulcan
is about to begin.

 

Scott, don't you want to see
what Daddy does for a living?

 

Blow me.

 

Excuse me?

 

Show me.

 

Position the Vulcan.

 

Bring in the warhead.

 

Hello.
/Hello, Mr. Powers.

 

Care to have a little fun?

 

No, actually...
l have to save the world.

 

ls it cold in here?

 

Arm the probe.

 

l've got to get Dr. Evil.
l've got to get Dr. Evil.

 

Baseball, cold showers.
Baseball, cold showers.

 

Give it up, Mr. Powers.

 

Margaret Thatcher
naked on a cold day.

 

Gentlemen.

 

Let's lock and load.

 

Right, lads.

 

Don't go.
/A975Stay with us.

 

Please don't go.

 

You can't resist us, Mr. Powers.

 

Au contraire, baby.

 

l think you can't resist me.

 

Austin?
/Oh, Vanessa.

 

lt's not what it seems.

 

At ease, boys.

 

Likewise.

 

Vanessa, l can explain.

 

What happened was l broke in
trying to get to Dr. Evil.

 

Then all of a sudden,
the fembots came by...

 

and smoke started to come
out of their jumblies.

 

So l thought l'd work my mojo
to counter their mojo.

 

We got cross-mojonations, and
their heads started exploding.

 

You know, that thing, and l
ended up in my knickers here...

 

l believe you.

 

Now get dressed.

 

Smashing, baby.

 

Onward, boys.

 

Launching
the subterranean probe.

 

Begin initial
surface penetration.

 

Subterranean nuclear detonation
in three minutes and counting.

 

Watch out!

 

Right front!

 

Subterranean nuclear detonation
in three minutes and counting.

 

Oh, l tripped!

 

Open the frickin' door!

 

Probe destruction
beginning in...

 

Judo!

 

Abort.

 

Now to Dr. Evil.

 

Din-din.

 

l want chicken, l want liver.

 

Meow Mix, Meow Mix,
please deliver.

 

l've got you now, Dr. Evil.

 

Well done, Mr. Powers.

 

We're not so different,
you and l.

 

However, isn't it ironic,
the very things you stand for...

 

free love, swinging parties,
are all now in the nineties...

 

considered to be...evil?

 

What we swingers
were rebelling against...

 

is uptight squares like you...

 

whose bag
was money and world domination.

 

We were innocent, man.

 

lf we'd known the consequences
of our sexual liberation...

 

we would have done things
differently...

 

but the spirit
would've remained the same.

 

lt's freedom, baby.

 

Face it.

 

Freedom failed.

 

No, man, freedom didn't fail.

 

Right now, we've got freedom
and responsibility.

 

lt's a very groovy time.

 

There's nothing more pathetic
than an aging hipster.

 

All right, baldy.
Shut your cakehole.

 

Come on. Let's go.
On your bike.

 

Not so fast.

 

lt seems the tables have turned,
Mr. Powers.

 

Go ahead, Austin.
Don't worry about me.

 

l can take my Sega, right, Dad?

 

lt seems the tables
have turned again, Dr. Evil.

 

Not really.
Kill the little bastard.

 

See what l care.

 

But, Dad, we just had
a breakthrough in group.

 

l had the group liquidated,
you little shit.

 

They were insolent.

 

l hate you!

 

l wish l was never
artificially created in a lab.

 

Scott, that hurts Daddy
when you say that, honestly.

 

Your timing is impeccable.

 

Go ahead. Take Mr. Powers away.

 

No.
/What?

 

Dr. Evil, l've spent
30 years of my life...

 

turning this two-bit
evil empire...

 

into a world-class
multinational.

 

l was going to have
a cover story in Forbes.

 

But, you, like an idiot,
wanted to take over the world...

 

and you don't realize
there is no world anymore.

 

lt's only corporations.

 

-Silence, Number Two!
-No!

 

l've had enough of you
pushing me around.

 

l have a business proposition
you might find very interesting.

 

All right. l've had enough.

 

Judo chop!

 

The complex will self-destruct.

 

Let's split! Let's go!

 

This place is going to blow!

 

The complex will self-destruct.

 

This way, Austin.

 

Come on, baby! lt's gonna blow!

 

Let's go. Move it!

 

l love you, Mr. Powers.

 

And l love you, Mrs. Powers.

 

That'll be Basil Exposition.

 

lgnore it, Austin.
Come back to bed.

 

Duty calls, baby.

 

Hello, Austin. Oh, l hope
l'm not interrupting your honeymoon.

 

No, not at all, Basil.

 

Did you get that fruit basket
l sent you?

 

Yes, we did, Basil,
but you sent too much.

 

l'm gonna have
to send some to my mother.

 

Don't forget these.

 

Thanks.

 

There you go.

 

Did you get my other gift?

 

We did.

 

Yes, Basil, nice rack.

 

But who in the world
gave us this drawing?

 

lt's bizarre.

 

As you know, Dr. Evil
has escaped in his rocket...

 

which has disappeared
from our tracking system.

 

Hold on. Coffee?
/Yes, please.

 

And, Vanessa, by the way,
you have been made a full agent.

 

That's fantastic! Thanks.

 

Milk?
/Yes, please.

 

And, Austin, Her Majesty
the Queen informs me...

 

that you are to be knighted.

 

Very shagadelic!

 

The best of luck
to both of you!

 

Thanks, Basil.
/Goodbye.

 

You know, Vanessa...

 

l'll never forget
the first time l saw you.

 

You were so
incredibly beautiful...

 

so incredibly sexy...

 

l knew l had to have you...

 

right then and there.

 

Did you feel the same way?

 

Actually, l couldn't stop
staring at your teeth.

 

l ordered some champagne.
Come in!

 

Lovely, Austin.

 

Right over there's fine.
Thank you.

 

Let's go out on the terrace.
lt's a beautiful night.

 

We can look at the stars.

 

Smashing idea, baby.

 

Look at you.

 

Look out!

 

That really hurt!

 

l'm going to have a lump there,
you idiot.

 

Who throws a shoe? Honestly.

 

You fight like a woman.

 

Honestly, it's not mine.

 

No, use it.

 

Look how beautiful
the night sky is.

 

lsn't that the Big Dipper?

 

Yeah, and that looks
just like Uranus.

 

l've never seen
that big star before.

 

What is that?

 

Good God.

 

l'm gonna get you,
Austin Powers.

 

lt's frickin' freezing
in here, Mr. Bigglesworth.

 

Darling, you look fabulous.

 

All right. There we go.

 

Look at that face.
Show me. Come on.

 

There. Bit of hair.

 

Smashing.

 

lt's coming around now.

 

lt's not working!

 

Go change. There you go.

 

Can you change her?
ls that all right?

 

Very good.

 

And right here.
Looking right there.

 

l'm not even looking.

 

You're wicked!

 

You got your mojo
working overtime, darling.

 

l'm not even shooting it.
lt's insane.

 

Smashing.

 

Can l get a smile?

 

Come on, you boys.
Get together.

 

Good. Lovin' it.

 

Let's make a Vanessa sandwich.

 

The winged horn.

 

Come on, Austin.
Give it to me.

 

Oh, behave.

 

You're an animal!

 

That's it.

 

Just the top of the hair.

 

Born and shoot.

 

Try it one more time.

 

And born and shoot.

 

That's it.

 

Let's go. Come on.

 

lgnore this.

 

lgnore me doing this.

 

Fabulous, darling.

 

Show me the eye.

 

Never get up. l'm spent!

 

We'll take you,
and we'll go out on the town...

 

and swing, baby.

 

Missis...

 

Will ya...

 

Make me tea?

 

Make love to me...

 

Put on the telly...

 

To the BBC?

 

To the BBC?

 

BBC One.

 

BBC Two.

 

BBC Three.

 

BBC Four.

 

BBC Five.

 

BBC Six.

 

BBC Seven.

 

BBC heaven.

 

Missis...

 

Will ya...

 

Make me tea?

 

Make love to me...

 

Put on the telly...

 

To the BBC?

 

To the BBC?

 

BBC One.

 

BBC Two.

 

BBC Three.

 

BBC Four.

 

BBC Five.

 

BBC Six.

 

BBC Seven.

 

BBC heaven.

 

Missis...

 

Will ya...

 

Make me tea?

 

Make love to me...

 

Put on the telly...

 

To the BBC?

 

To the BBC?

 

BBC One.

 

BBC Two.

 

BBC Three.

 

BBC Four.

 

BBC Five.

 

BBC Six.

 

BBC Seven.

 

BBC heaven.

 

Darling, you look fabulous.